


morning light

by El_Red



Category: Firebringer - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, but it gets better, they do be sad, they're just dumb babies and i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/El_Red/pseuds/El_Red
Summary: -The problems came when they argued with Keeri, well, when Zazzalil argued at Keeri and Jemilla failed to pick a side. More often than not resulting in Zazzalil storming off to blow off steam hitting trees with sticks, or whatever she does when she’s in a mood, and Keeri getting on with her weaving or drawing or stretching and waiting for Zazz to come back with an apology on her lips and the most adorable sheepish puppy eyes Jemilla has ever seen.Now however, Jemilla had somehow managed to make both her wives storm out and she is left without any idea of how to make it better. She has always been the peacemaker, but she doesn’t know if she can fix it this time.-
Relationships: Jemilla/Keeri/Zazzalil (Firebringer)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	morning light

Jemilla sits, staring at the mud walls of the chief's hut without really seeing anything. It’s after nightfall and the tribe has long since disassembled, going back to their huts and their families without need for her guidance until the next day. To say she feels lost would be an understatement, it’s only been months since her reinstatement of leadership but this is the first time she’s been properly alone since being kicked out of the tribe. She guesses that she should’ve seen this coming, she had always appreciated moments of solitude she could get when she was leading her tribe alone. But now she has Zazzalil to lead with her, and by duck she is brilliant and brave and smart and  _ stubborn.  _

They had barely had a moment to themselves in the first week or so, moments of conversation snatched before sleeping after long days of helping and guiding and negotiating, murmuring words of awe and appreciation and the love that they had found before passing out in eachothers arms and then beginning a new day. And even after the village had been built and the day to day tasks dolled out they had still been spending every second free together, and increasingly with Keeri.

Keeri was a funny addition to their newfound dynamic because as far as Jemilla was concerned it was just a matter of time before Zazzalil realised that she couldn’t keep the same closeness she had always had with her best friend while living with Jemilla. And she was right, it only took a few weeks before Zazz, in her clueless, loveblind ways, realised what had been clear to anyone with eyes - that the admiration and appreciation for her best friend and the envy and hatred she had had for Jemilla were really two sides of the same coin. And after a slightly awkward but to the point discussion in which she presented the case and her solution to jemilla and keeri at the same time, Keeri moved into their hut and, really, she was a perfect addition. She mitagated the frequent but short spiffs Jemilla and Zazzalil still had about odd things and helped them both to find a balance between work and home.

The problems came when they argued with Keeri, well, when Zazzalil argued at Keeri and Jemilla failed to pick a side. More often than not resulting in Zazzalil storming off to blow off steam hitting trees with sticks, or whatever she does when she’s in a mood, and Keeri getting on with her weaving or drawing or stretching and waiting for Zazz to come back with an apology on her lips and the most adorable sheepish puppy eyes Jemilla has ever seen.

Now however, Jemilla had somehow managed to make both her wives storm out and she is left without any idea of how to make it better. She has always been the peacemaker, but she doesn’t know if she can fix it this time.

She knows she should’ve taken a break, Zazzalil has been on the warpath ever since they got back to work in ensuring that everyone looks after themselves and doesn’t overwork. But Jemilla had somehow managed to avoid her suspicion, she supposes that Zazzalil had never really thought about what happens when she runs away from them to calm down. And that she would never imagine that Jemilla who seems so at ease in a group might need time alone to balance herself, neither Zazzalil or Keeri would ever have thought that with Jemillas happy smiles and clam advice that every time she talks to people now it feels like her skin is crawling and she wants to scream. There is no way they couldv’e known, she should've told them, when they come back and she explains Zazzalil is definitely going to tell her off for pushing herself too far. If they come back. She thinks of all the times Keeri has talked her and Zazz down from a full blown argument and is painfully aware that she is only ever a catalyst for Zazz and Keeri’s fallouts, not their makeups. She knows that they are perfect for each other, she watched them love and work in harmony for years, a little bit in love with Keeri just because Zazzalil always looked at her like she was the sun. And she knows she could never deserve that much.

She picks idly at the blanket she is sitting on, remembers how Keeri lit up when she gave it to them, remembers Zazzalils immediate proclamation of it being her “favourite thing ever” and of the subsequent war dance around the room wearing it as a cape. She remembers how warm she felt, how loved. She wonders if she’s always craved that and just never known, always strived for appreciation and dependence in the absence of real love. She wonders if, in the outcome that Zazzalil and Keeri decide they are better off without her, whether she will ever find that love again, she really doesn’t want to have to. She feels tears fall down her cheeks and sniffs angrily, blinking at the ceiling. It was a stupid filght and she shouldn’t’ve said anything she did say, but if she apoloises well enough when her wives come back they won’t leave forever, apologising always seems to work for Zazz.

She hadn’t meant to say anything at all in the first place, she meant to come in and go straight to sleep, blaming her silence on tiredness and hoping to wake up with a clear head. But apparently in her need to keep the peace in her rapidly growing unease she had inadvertently been scheduling her work to put her as far away from Zazz and Keeri as she could, and to stay out as late as anyone would let her for just as many days as it took them to notice something was wrong. And upon coming into the hut, a long time after her wives had, she found them waiting to speak to her. She really was exhausted, and the two of them across from her felt too much like a trap so she went fully into defensive, lashing out with harsh words before they had the chance to say anything that might hurt.

Leaving a shell shocked Keeri and an offended Zazzalil standing across from her, accompanying a rising feeling of dread that frantically tried to reason with her to stop as she pushed the last of their buttons. The problem with being a good listener is that you learn what upsets people. And the problem with being a good leader is that you learn how to say things to inspire emotion into the people you are talking to. So with choice words she flinches at when she remembers, fierce statements specially crafted to hit the women she loves where it hurts, she had sent Keeri running in pain? Fear? And Zazzalil, not before a few hard words of her own, had rushed after her.

Jemilla wipes her eyes on the palms of her hands, tries to breathe normally and tucks her face into her knees. She wants this to be over, it  _ hurts.  _ She wishes she hadn’t been so arrogant as to believe that her wives wouldn’t notice that she was avoiding them. She wishes she had taken one second to think about what she was going to say before she said it. She sits up again, letting out a deep breath and shakes her head. She can’t wallow forever, plus the hut was getting messy, she hasn’t really been in it for days and neither Zazzalil or Keeri are the cleanest people. She stands up and resolves to clean and plan her apology speech so that she is ready for when Zazz and Keeri come back. 

She cleans everything, she makes the bedroll and blanket neatly in their log frame, she sweeps the floor of loose dirt, she picks up zazzalil’s clothes from the floor at the back of the hut, she tidies Keeri’s bits of reed she has been weaving with, and puts Zazz’s sticks and string (“they’re  _ models  _ j-mills!”) back in the basket they are supposed to stay in and looks around defeated. She had only gotten part way through what she was going to say and there is no sign of either Zazzalil or Keeri outside, there’s no noise at all from the rest of the village and the only fires burning are the torch poles around the circumference of their plot. She sighs, sitting down on the bed again, maybe Zazz and Keeri are staying with some of the others tonight, maybe they hate her so much that they won’t even stay in the same house anymore. She tries not to cry again and curls in on herself, watching the door. She is still so tired, she hasn’t got more than 10 hours of sleep in the last week and she just wanted to pass out next to Zazzalil and Keeri and try to catch up tonight but now she’s ruined everything. She can’t help the sob that forces its way out of her throat. Maybe she deserves this. She falls sideways, still curled into a ball facing the doorway and falls asleep on top of the cover, tears running down her temple. 

\---------------

Zazzalil had known something was wrong with Jemilla for days, she hadn’t been sleeping- coming to bed late and leaving before they woke up. She had barely been eating and she seemed to be working twice as hard as usual, but every time Zazzalil tried to catch her alone she would offer an excuse and disappear, leaving her with a quick kiss on the cheek and the ghost of a smile. She told Keeri everything she worried about and it turned out that Keeri had tried to confront Jemilla in the same way and got the same reaction, they decided to see if Jemilla would come out of it before they pushed anything, but after days of the same thing, over and over, they decided it was enough. 

Sitting in the hut, just the two of them, as was usual at the moment, Keeri had grabbed Zazzalil’s hand and asked her, with a knowing smile, if she would let her do that talking. 

“You are a bit of a hothead Zazz, and I don’t know how Jemilla is gonna react.” she had said, and Zazzalil had agreed. She wishes she hadn’t, now. Because to an extent she’s used to Jemilla blowing up at her, and she fights back much better than Keeri does. And she knows that Jemilla will be beating herself up about it, alone in the hut, tired and angry. She wishes she could be in two places at once, but she can’t, and as much as she hates leaving Jemilla alone with her thoughts, Keeri never runs off, and she is really worried about her. 

It takes Zazzalil an embarrassingly long time to find her, but when she does she is sat in the spare hut staring at the wall, it’s tiny, used mostly for storage: spears, baskets, food, and firewood. Keeri is wedged between a basket full of logs and a stack of spears, curled in on herself and crying. Zazzalil crawls into the space and crouches in front of her, resting her hands on her wife’s knees and shooting her a soft smile. 

“What’s going on babe? We knew she might explode, we were cornering chief control freak about her rapidly derailing mental state.”

Keeri sniffs and focuses her eyes on Zazzalil,

“She looked so  _ trapped,  _ zazz. I know she isn’t all that we thought she was but I've never seen her that scared, even when you kicked her out. She was just mad then, now she was scared of us, scared and tired and sad. And she’s never said anything like that before either, lashing out and being mean is kinda your thing, I wasn’t expecting it at all. I panicked.” she looks around the hut blearily “where is she anyway?” 

Zazzalil coughs,

“Um, I came to find you” it’s weak at best and Keeri’s eyes immediately narrow.

“Zazzalil please tell me you didn’t leave our wife angry and exhausted in the hut alone!” she goes to stand up but thinks better of it in the cramped space, instead fixing an increasingly sheepish looking Zazzalil with a glare. When there is no response she continues, 

“Jeez Zazz, at least say you didnt say anything dumb and that you told her where you were going?” Zazzalil looks at the floor, guilt pooling in her stomach.

“I was worried about you, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it would take me this long to find you.” keeri sighs and wipes her face on her dress.

“okay, we have to go back. What did you say to her” 

Zazzalil swallows, this is exactly why Keeri had asked her to let her do the talking.

“Uhh, just that, um, she shouldn’t have spoken to you like that and, um, didn’t-she-get-that-trying-to-figure-everything-out-on-her-own-doesn’t-work-after-last-time.” Keeri sighs and Zazzalil keeps staring at the ground, meaning that when she is pulled to her feet she isn’t expecting it, falling into Keeri who hits into the stack of spears sending them tumbling to the ground. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, K” Zazzalil mutters, looking at the mess in the dark. “We can just leave it and get back, I'll come tidy it in the morning. Keeri smiles down at her and shakes her head.

“We both know you won’t, it’s fine. I doubt 5 minutes will make much of a difference overall, we can quickly clean this up and then get back, we can use it to plan what we’re going to say to Jemilla.” 

It takes them just longer than 10 minutes to tidy up the mess and jog back to the hut, exchanging a glance before pulling back the door and going in, stopping in surprise to see Jemilla curled on the bed facing them, her face blotchy and drawn, fast asleep. 

\---------------

When Jemilla wakes up she is alone in the hut, but instead of lying at the foot of the bed she is tucked under the covers in the middle. It is also late enough in the day that the sunlight falls through gaps in the doorway and lights up the room and she can hear the rest of the tribe getting on with their tasks outside. She sits up, how long has she been asleep? Her head spins when she stands, dehydration and not sated exhaustion making her dizzy and sore. But before she can stumble far from the bed Zazzalil comes through the doorway holding a waterskin and, starting at the sight of Jemilla awake, rushes to her side.

“Slow down j-mills, you just woke up” Jemilla flinches at her voice but lets herself be guided back onto the bed and takes the skin thankfully, her mind filling in the last night’s events as she drinks. Zazzalil sits beside her but doesn’t say anything, hovering at Jemilla’s side with uncharacteristic sobriety. Jemilla feels sick. 

\---------------

Zazzalil doesn’t really know what to do, she has already given the necessary orders to the tribe for the day and ensured that they will be left alone, now she has to actually talk to her wife. She really thinks she should wait for Keeri but with every second she can see Jemilla drawing into herself more and she knows the longer she leaves it the harder this talk is going to be. She just hopes Keeri will get back soon.

\---------------

Keeri knows she shouldn’t have left her wives alone, but unlike the leaders she has to find someone to cover her work for the morning, and it takes far too long for comfort for her to find Emberly and convince her to take her shift. In Emberley's defence she doesn't take much convincing, she doesn't seem to mind much at all, but she is a hard person to find when she thinks she has a day off and by the time Keeri gets back to the hut she can already hear voices inside.

_ “I’m sorry Jem, but Keeri will be back in a minute, can’t you just wait and we’ll all talk about this together?”  _ Zazzalil sounds slightly frantic, this is obviously not going as well as they had hoped. __

Keeri doesn’t hear the muttered reply but Jemilla's tone is enough to propel Keeri through the door and into the hut. Zazzalil and Jemilla look up at her, but after a second Jemilla lowers her head again, pulling her knees up to her chest and turning her body away from where Zazzalil sits beside her on the bed. The eye contact Zazz makes with Keeri is desperate, she looks like she’s about to cry and Keeri doesn’t hesitate before walking over to them and pulling them both into a hug, her heart breaking at the surprised sound that Jemilla makes into her shoulder before she clutches onto her and starts to cry. Her whole body shakes as she pushes herself further into their arms. Keeri holds them tightly, maneuvering the three of them further onto the bed so that she can lean against the wall, Zazzalil pressed along her side and Jemilla nestled between them, her sobs tapering off into quiet sniffles. Jemilla looks up her eyes red and tired, she makes eye contact with Zazzalil, then Keeri 

“I’m so sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean any of the stuff I said. I've just been really tired and  _ sad  _ and I don’t know what happened but i'm really sorry and I love you.” she takes a shaky breath, eyes flicking between the other two nervously,

“Please don't leave again.” She buries her face back into the apex where Zazzalil’s neck and Keeri’s shoulder meet, hiding from them the desperate and sad in her ever expressive eyes.

Zazzalil makes a slightly wounded noise and looks at Keeri with an urgent kind of sadness, holding Jemilla tighter against them and pressing soft kisses to her hair. Keeri smiles at the sight, “I know you didn’t mean it Jemilla, we both do. And we’re sorry we cornered you when you’re obviously not doing too good. But we’re never gonna leave for good, even if it’s Zazz’s favourite way to deal with things and it seems I’m not much better either.” she feels Jemilla smile against her shoulder and counts it as a win. 

“We’ll talk about it later, but how about we all sleep now. I love you both so much” she finishes and Zazzalil murmurs her own admission into Jemilla’s hair and catches Keeri’s eyes with a smile. 

It takes some adjusting but soon they are all lying down in their bed, Jemilla snuggled in between her wives, head still firmly attached to Zazzalil’s neck and her back at Keeri’s side. It’s soft and warm, and for the first time in far too long, she falls asleep quickly and easily, safe in the arms of the women she loves.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it guys! i'm trying to use the new overload of free time to do something productive and this is the most fun. 
> 
> comments and kudos much appreciated, tell me what you thought, or what time it is, or even just how you're spending self isolation! thanks, :)


End file.
